Gone are the days when campus seemed so fresh and new. I wondered how they kept the grass glimmering green, always moist with an abundance of water available or glance at the sea of faces never ending, I had heard stories of all of them but none of them knew my name, to them I was invisible. Being the new kid at school can bring its challenges and be extremely difficult, but has its benefits to reap. Benefits that now I can no longer cash in on now that I am an upperclassmen. I long for the beautiful time in freshman fall, the time before the pressures of difficult classes, competitiveness and constant unattainable expectations set in.
In that initial term, everything spiked my curiousity and I was engaged and interested in all my classes. I admired the upperclassmen and was in awe with the administration’s efficiency in running the school. Everyone appeared so happy and the school looked so beautiful, I could not imagine every day that I was attending Phillips Academy Andover, one of the most prestigious high schools in the world.
Now two years later, I do not hold many of the same views as my naive, trusting, younger self. My classes no longer excite me but rather give me anxiety. I have undergone many hardships outside of the classroom here that have challenged me greatly. Hardships ranging from having to say goodbye to a friend leaving school or debating whether or not to address a peer’s drug problem, unsure if it is a problem or their way of coping with this rigorous environment or a chemical dependency.
I realize now that Andover is geared to accommodate a certain type of person. A person I am not. A person that the majority of students here are not, but we all struggle through this journey together. Detrimental to our health, we pass ourselves to our limits in the academic, athletic, and social worlds every day. Going to bed and waking up exhausted, it’s a never ending cycle of going through the motions and trying to survive weekend to weekend. How I long for the days of freshman fall, when I was so oblivious to the extent that next four years of my life would test me.